Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Today Marks Day 1

So as you would presume from my blog title, I just woke up today and decided that I didn't want to feel like that anymore - so I'm going to change.

I'll give you a brief recap of how I got to the bottom of this ugly pit and then why I've decided it's time to pull my shit together and move onwards and upwards.  Because I'm not dwelling on the past too long, I'm only going to give you the overview:

1.) Carcinoma in Situ (non-invasive cervical cancer): diagnosed November 2010, 2 surgeries, 3 specialists, 6 biopsies, waiting on my 1 year negative biopsy results.
2.) Brachial Plexus: pinched nerve at my C6/C7 vertebrae nerve pinched in my left arm that put me through 6 weeks forced time off, many drugs and a very long recovery (4 months), that feels recovered now.
3.) Virus Infection: 3 weeks, antibiotics, massive skin infection, and I'll spare the rest of lovely symptom talk.

So as you can see, this piles up to a whole heap of shit - literally and figuratively if you count the virus infection that's currently.  This morning I woke up from my antibiotic coma and slight fever last night to feel clear.  Like incredibly clear.  So crystal clear on how I was going to do this, that I felt the need to put it out there for anyone to read.  And I don't know if maybe I haven't been clear for so long, but I made a promise to myself.  I'm not going to sit and wallow in my self-pity, crying why me, and asking when someone will stop all these bad things from happening.  I'm going to do it myself.  And I'm going to do it for myself.  And I'm going to be accountable cause I'm going to post it on the internet for anyone to read and comment on.  (Cue me having slight typing anxiety.)

So each day, I'm going to commit to changing the outcome of my personal circumstance.  I woke up this morning and I remembered this fabulous quote I saw - hence the reason for my blog post.  It said:
Actually, i just woke up one day and decided i didn't want to feel like that anymore, or ever again.
And it is with this great thought I decided that I'm not going to do it anymore either.  I've been letting myself be a victim of everything for so long I forgot what it's like to make myself important and do for me.

I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor.  I'm not dead, I have my whole life to look forward to.   I'm going to get healthy; take care of myself from the inside out.  I'm going to find the reasons to laugh in everything.  And if I don't have something nice to say, I won't be saying anything at all.  Somewhere I stopped saying yes to all life has to offer and started saying no.  I'm not going to say no anymore.  Life is about adventure, about happiness, about self discovery, about enjoying every minute cause I know all too well how quickly they pass.  I'm going to take each day as an opportunity to change my outlook and reshape the way my life and day plays out.  I'm going to stop talking about the things that bother me, becuase talking about them is bothering me more than the actual things themselves.  If if I do have to talk about them, I'm going to look at each

As I'm typing I'm thinking "damn, what did I commit to?!"  But actually I'm excited.  I feel like this is giving me purpose and purpose is what I need.  I need a path, a journey, an experience.  I was always really good at putting myself back together, so I think it's time I do that.

So here's to Me.  Stay tuned.

No comments:

Post a Comment